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requiem for a scream

i could have told you 		 this is how it begins			i could have shown you how a little girl hides inside and	 a man stares out from my eyes 	they hold hands delicately i’m not sure where i began	 the girl still cringes in my skeleton 	i tell them to be quiet but maybe it was a song		 maybe i was always trans		maybe i was never here my every breath is a requiem	 my every thought is to disappear	yet i want to be alive  a chord churning into fire	 snapping flashing vibrant		and loud as birth that cacophony of rhythm	 i never wanted to hear		take me there but let me live fresh as flesh still tearing	 my voice shreds my own ears	i don’t recall a single moment  where i loved my sounds	 so i broke them like fingers		i wasn’t ready to call my own

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This poem won 2nd place in Red Wheelbarrow's 2020 Poetry Prize, was published in the winter publication, and was read aloud virtually by the author on December 8, 2020

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