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requiem for a scream

i could have told you this is how it begins i could have shown you how a little girl hides inside and a man stares out from my eyes they hold hands delicately i’m not sure where i began the girl still cringes in my skeleton i tell them to be quiet but maybe it was a song maybe i was always trans maybe i was never here my every breath is a requiem my every thought is to disappear yet i want to be alive a chord churning into fire snapping flashing vibrant and loud as birth that cacophony of rhythm i never wanted to hear take me there but let me live fresh as flesh still tearing my voice shreds my own ears i don’t recall a single moment where i loved my sounds so i broke them like fingers i wasn’t ready to call my own

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This poem won 2nd place in Red Wheelbarrow's 2020 Poetry Prize, was published in the winter publication, and was read aloud virtually by the author on December 8, 2020

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